“No
offence but", “I don't mean to be rude" etc.... These are just some
of the sayings that we attach to the heads of our sentences before we say
something that is in fact very rude or offensive. We say them to somehow head
off the retribution that whatever we are saying incurs. We refuse to own up the
hurt and offense that what we say incurs. This line of thought goes against rhetoric’s
logos and ethos, and is almost purely pathological. We have something rude to
say, we don’t want to be perceived as rude, so we then we make a statement that
is a contradiction to what we are going to say; as if saying I don’t mean to be
rude stops you from being rude.
“Anything
said via vocal communication, is public information”. This means that anytime
we speak to be heard, whatever we say is no longer just between you and whoever
you are talking to. It becomes public property, so that anyone who can hear it
is now privy to that knowledge. To countermand that we have created a host of
social niceties and norm so that we can use our voices in privacy: “Its rude to
eavesdrop”, “whisper it to me”, or the famous “no offense but”, or we add “lol”
to make a serious comment not so serious. All of these things that we have
created for one reason only, to save our reputations. No one wants to be known
as the “bitch” or the person who is always talking about others. So we enact punishments
on those who are listening, we call them “nosy”, or “eavesdroppers”. Anything
that we can do to save the way people look upon us and still be popular.
The
moral of this story is, if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say
it out loud.
I agree that people tend to try to dull their comments by adding a "no offense" or "I don't mean to be rude, but..." I think that by doing that, however, it tends to negate the full effect of what they are trying to say. We as a society have tried to be nicer in our discourse.
ReplyDeleteI think, however, that people should stop being so afraid of offending others. If we do not say things because we are afraid others may not take too well to it, how will we get any issues into the public? How will our society progress? I think we need to move away from fearing offense and move toward fearing that brilliance, intelligence, and innovation will not be.
What came to mind while reading this was something my mother taught me at a very young age: "If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." It’s so true that sentences that begin with those introductions lead nowhere positive. Usually a confrontation is the result. Rhetoric can be tricky to use, but we must do so carefully. If we want to express our opinions, we must think before we speak. An insult will cause the listener to instantly tense up and become nonresponsive. From that point on, you might as well assume all our words are going out the window. From personal experience my roommate and I have learned this the hard way.
ReplyDeleteA couple years back, it was often seen as disrespectful to publicly offend someone, and when terms like "no offense" came about, it granted people the ability to say something offensive without suffering any type of social consequences. Now years later, the internet has granted that same type of allowing offense, in that many people can say things online without suffering from public backlash. But as time goes on, debates have been carried out on online bullying and online privacy, that maybe that "no offense" we've been granted might truly been an offense that we receive re-precautions for.
ReplyDelete